Frozen in War Stories

Having met so many people over the last few weeks, it is difficult not to categorize personalities. “She is fascinating”, “he is smart” or “he is mediocre”. Reflecting on these classifications, I am beginning to realize that everyone has a story but often times I don’t have the attention span to hear them out. I can tell you though, when I muster up the energy, listening is always worth it. This is only one of those instances.

Dr. Thao is the Director for the Fulbright program in Vietnam. My first impressions were favorable but shallow: “he is respectable and interesting”. It was not until he shared his memories of war and reconstruction that I could even begin to grasp the depth of his experiences and life.

Fortunate enough to be in the university system during the draft, he did not go into battle. But as I am quickly realizing, everyone went to war.

As I listen to the stories about violence, death and suffering I choke back tears. I have seen bloody war movies but this is so much more real. The war is still reflecting in his eyes and pain in his expressions as he recounts his 14 days hiding in a bunker with nothing to eat but rice. When he and his family emerged, the streets were littered with bodies, “every color person” he says. It does not seem to matter to him, north or south. All he sees is death.

“It was a stupid war!” he repeats as he tells another story, about another friend, about another funeral. Here, in text, I cannot even begin to adequately describe his sentiment. Dr. Thao points to the back of his head and states knowingly “we can forgive, but we can’t forget”.

I have heard from many people in the US about the war that happened here, but they seem frozen in it. Stuck in their perceptions of the way things are, of how life happens here. This is not to say that they haven’t moved on in other ways, but they are frozen in their memories of Vietnam. Talking to people who left, I see that their scars, wounds and pains are still fresh.

On the other hand, others still living in Vietnam, like Dr. Thao, are part of the country’s reconstruction. He doesn’t agree with everything, but he does his best to make sure Vietnam is improving its education. More opportunities for young people exist because Dr. Thao is working for the community.

There isn’t a better side; it is just an observation of time and space. Some have had the opportunity to heal. But so many will not forget, either because they are still there or because they have the scars to remind them. I see them as extraordinary stories, with different perspectives and realities.

* Oprah did a show a few years back proving that everyone had an interesting story to tell. I didn’t see it, but I think it is a notable concept nonetheless.