The Same Four Walls

I have long days and short ones. Some days simultaneously fly by and drag on. Yet another taxi ride from the hotel, though it never seems to be the same route. It is as though I am watching a film about driving through Vietnam on an exceedingly blurry screen. As I step out of the taxi I take in a breath of relief and inhale air thickened by humidity and smog. I have arrived at my second home in Hanoi, the US Embassy. There is an odd familiarity here as I move through security. I am among the privileged and I am ushered to cut in line. The routine is slowly taking its toll, at least today.

Two walls paneled with artificial wood opposite two other dull gray counterparts build what the ten of us refer to as our classroom. The fluorescent lights emit an ambiance that can only be described as sterile. This is our prison and this is our passage. The windowless enclosure makes time irrelevant and the lack of décor and atmosphere make daydreams all but whimsical. We ten students, for nearly ten hours a day, are learning tens of thousands of facts, accents and best practices.

This time is our right of passage. Earning my ticket to have an impact is what motivates me to go back and not only sit in the room, but to take notes and listen intently. I am learning the best way to be effective so that my time will be better spent. This purgatory has purpose and the fellow prisoners and pathfinders make the journey that much more bearable (I might even venture to say, enjoyable).

There is hope! Breaks from the monotony, give us a much needed sampling of the culture. We venture to the outside for lunch, wander the streets and interact with a community we so desperately wonder about.

Hmmmm. Unhappy today, suffer through acceptance, never in the now, waiting for tomorrow. These are the same four walls. Why wait to sample, interact and make an impact? I have been feeding my energy into a sink hole of things that cannot be changed. Without new or reciprocated energy, I am strained and wearing thin. Tomorrow’s to do list: (1) Stop feeding the sink hole (2) Finding new energy! (3) Find/build/paint a window for that room!